Normal
by Mistress of the Arts
Summary: Hilary reflects on her feelings. Drabble.


Normal

Was it normal to feel this way around someone else? What was "normal" anyway? How could something so…indescribable and complex, so confounding and so…blissful be normal? Everyone says that love is felt in many different ways, but was what I feeling actually the most hardest thing to find, the feeling that was often misunderstood as other emotions and sensations?

I felt…fuzzy? Could one feel fuzzy inside? It was like there was a million little butterflies in my stomach, their wings brushing my insides and making me squirm. Such an odd thought - consuming butterflies and them living in the acidic pits of my stomach - but there wasn't any other way to describe the fuzziness that was inside me. Almost like fluttering. I noticed this happened whenever he looked at me.

My actions reminded me of a young teenager, experiencing anxieties because of being around someone that had caught their interest. Only he had done more than caught my interest - he had invaded my thoughts. Moreover, every time I thought of him, of the dark russet brown eyes of his that seemed to look right through me, there was more than fuzziness.

My heart was affected - it always seemed to beat like a rhythmic drum in my chest, sometimes so frantically it almost felt like it was going to come bursting right through it. Sometimes, it hurt. Sometimes it ached, but only when he was gone for long periods of time or he was upset. Like there were little cracks forming, but always mended by the smile he would give - so warm, so familiar, with lips that seemed as delicate as the inside of a rose.

Lips I always wanted to feel brush against my own, against my skin, to feel them warm and soft, leaving a burning trail of caresses. Soft kisses that offered promises of more than lust - promises of companionship and trust. Kisses that would solely belong to me.

Mine - could one claim possession to another person? It felt so wrong but so very right. For once it felt okay to be selfish - for once it felt okay to just want the world to disappear other than him and me. Just a few moments where time would stop, briefly, just for us.

No distractions, no interruptions, just the two of us. A moment of warmth, where I could try and comprehend the longing that consumed me at the sight of him. The need I felt around him - his silliness and cheerful smiles, always making the troubles fade away. It was as if he chased all my shadows away, keeping my insecurities from sneering in the back of my mind, tearing me down and bringing doubt.

I didn't like the hollow ache that filled me whenever I doubted myself - I didn't care for the sting of tears that burned my eyes, the lump that never seemed to go away in my throat, constricted with raw emotion. Yet, every time the weaknesses struck and got behind my barriers, he always seemed to be right there.

Pep talks, a cheerful laugh, just the feeling of him brushing away the tears or putting his arms around me, holding me close… always fought back the pain. His warmth was a soft flame, flickering in the darkness and bringing a light of hope.

For once, I felt okay. More than okay. I felt actually whole, like I meant something other than to wander around, desperately seeking a reason for my existence. I felt…happy?

It was odd, to think of myself as happy. Most of the time I was content. Sadness, sorrow, strife, I was intimately familiar with those emotions. Too many expectations from me in my life - but life was hard and that was what each and every person had to endure. Otherwise it wouldn't be life.

Happiness was fleeting - but I do remember the few times I felt it. Mending the wounds. Turning the cuts into scars to slowly be forgotten, despite the imprint of the pain always there. Yet around him…It was a constant instead of and smiles. Always feeling tingles all up and down my spine, to the tips of my toes. Like we could do anything and nothing could stop us.

Falling in love with him was the best experience of my life. Falling in love with him, every single day, discovering more things to keep me addicted to him, that gives me reason. To spend the rest of my life waking up to him, to have the blessings of life dancing in our palms…

Yes, that is all I want.

If this isn't love, I don't know what love is. I don't want to know what this is - I just want it to stay, always. I want to never be without him. He is my everything~So when he asked me to be his eternally…There was no hesitation - there was no doubts creeping in my mind.

There was only a yes.

So let this be my tale of life, let this be the start of something great. No more tragedies, no more sorrow~ I have my true love and that's all I'll ever really need.


End file.
